“I was a tender 24 years old when I eagerly looked up at the screen during my first sonogram. My heart was pounding from the adrenaline of being able to get a glimpse of my first child. My palms were clammy and cold, and I was talking too much. All the signs of a new mom. The thought of miscarriage had briefly entered my mind, but that sort of thing happened so rarely. Right? It couldn’t happen to us. Right?”
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We prayed in faith that God would grant us a miracle and give us two healthy babies – they both died.
The miracle that happened is this: the miracle-worker lives in me, loves me and is working in me.
It has been almost two years since we lost Faith and Joy Wagner. I continue to preach to my heart, daily and hourly, that God is good. As a woman who has carried more death in my womb than life I can tell you that death does not change the fact that God is good.
The night before our sonogram, despair hit like a tornado of emotions. Hope had completely slipped through my fingers. I laid in bed sobbing with my steady and hopeful husband holding onto me with one hand and enough hope for the both of us with the other. Whether I was simply preparing for the worst as a way to protect my heart, or whether I really knew this baby would never be in my arms – I was prepared for what we saw the next morning.
When we remember how the Lord has provided for us in ways that we wanted, it can foster the notion that positive circumstances equal God’s goodness in our lives. But when we remember who the Lord is, our definition of what is actually “good” is challenged and we are forced to admit that He is our only good.
The Month of Hope Challenge is a calendar resource to help you re-focus your faith.
My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.” And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.” Psalm 27:8
7 Practical Ways: To Walk with a Friend in Miscarriage.
“The Lord has a way of wounding greatly those whom he wants to use greatly. Somehow, the crushing produces a unique humility that allows the power of the Gospel to shine through with a greater clarity and brilliance. When suffering gives way to a peculiar joy that shouts louder than “the good life” ever could. Rachel Wagner is living proof of this. It’s obvious in the way she lives and walks and speaks and writes that she is one of those people who has been with Jesus. The power of her story will bring healing and hope to the countless women who have walked a similar road of pain and brokenness. Every woman who has ever experienced loss needs to hear it.”
Stephen Miller | Worship Pastor, Songwriter and Author of Worship Leaders, We Are Not Rock Stars and Liberating King
“Rachel has a unique ability to unpack the emotions of grief, suffering, and unmet expectations, in a beautiful, straightforward and redemption-oriented voice. She has easily become a voice on this subject within her sphere of influence, and it is apparent that God is using her to shape the narrative on matters of life, loss and suffering. I’ve witnessed, firsthand, the way her transparency has been ministered to others within her church, on social media and within the context of one-on-one relationships. I look forward to recommending her book one day as a resource for hurting women within the women’s ministry in which I serve.”
Täsha Calvert | Author of The Brazos Collection | Director of Women’s Ministry at Prestonwood Baptist Church: North Campus
“I’ve known Rachel since 2012 and watched her walk graciously through the mountains and valleys of her life. Her authenticity and wisdom of God’s word encourages (and stretches) me, a woman old enough to be her mom. I know she’s ministered to many, many young women and moms over the years because they’ve told me so. But her writing. It’s poignant, honest and from the depths of her heart. I highly endorse the potential of a book written by Rachel Wagner on miscarriage and walking with Jesus in suffering. This would be from her personal journey of which I’ve seen Jesus be glorified time and time again.”
Lisa Clark | Speaker and Author of Raising Sinners, Co-Founder of the Wonder podcast
“I have never met anyone that expresses herself so beautifully. Her words are honest, gripping and life-giving. The Lord has anointed her with a story that no one desires, yet she has the guts to pour it out on paper. Rachel is a gifted and gracious writer and discussion leader. Her story needs to be told and heard. The Lord uses her words to heal a broken and hurt woman.”
Chrissie Dunham | Co-Founder of the Wonder podcast, Bible Teacher, Speaker, Women’s Minister at Prestonwood Baptist Church
“I have personally walked with Rachel Wagner on her spiritual journey for several years. Through that process the Lord has used a variety of significant life issues to launch and develop her writing skills. Her passion to connect Biblical principles with practical application of God's Word has been extremely helpful to many.”
Debbie Stuart | Women’s Director at Green Acres Baptist Church, Director of Church and Leadership Development for Women of Faith, Author, Bible Teacher
“God’s answers to prayers aren’t always answered in the way in which we ask, yet His plan moves forward through those who are willing to be obedient. Rachel Wagner has walked the difficult road of losing six babies to miscarriage. Even amidst her own questioning and doubts, her heart has always been for others who are walking through this silent suffering. Her journey, beautifully expressed through her deep conversations with Jesus, will offer hope to all those God sets in her path through this book.”
Erin Olson | Author, Blogger, Speaker, Founder of Sandalfeet Ministries
“Rachel has such an incredible way of drawing her readers in to a beautiful, poetic, and poignant understanding of God’s truth through trial. Anyone who reads her work will know the depth of both her love for those who have experienced loss and her love for the Lord. She will be an incredible resource for women struggling to understand God's goodness during their darkest trials.”
Kayla Grizzard | Worship Leader, Actress, Co-Founder of The Hang ministry
“In life, trials can either make you or break you. Rachel has faced some of the most trying and darkest experiences imaginable, and yet through the blood of the Lamb and the bold, honest, and real word of her testimony, she has overcome! God has entrusted her with a story that will not only relate to many women but offer healing and hope to a community that feels alone, afraid, and rejected.”
Megan Duke | Songwriter, Music Artist, Worship Leader